Tons o’ fun

Early Sunday, Feb. 26, at 1:21 a.m. police were called to an apartment complex’s parking lot. A woman, police were told, was laying in the parking lot drunk and screaming.

The officers arrived and found there in the parking lot, yes, a woman lying there drunk and screaming, her husband nearby. An investigation brgan. The husband told the officers he and his wife had been to a restaurant he named, and they had "way too much to drink" while there. Now they had reached this point in the evening’s affairs, but were not able to go any further because she was "too heavy for him to carry," he told the officer, the report stated.

The woman was listed on the report as being 33, 5 feet 6 inches tall, weighing 120 pounds.

The officer then observed the woman lying there "yelling and cursing" with "one shoe on and one shoe off." He tried to speak with her "but she was very intoxicated and just kept yelling, cursing and screaming [the other officer] and myself," he reported. In time her husband got the woman to sit up, then stand up, and began helping her walk to their apartment. The officers, in the interest of public safety, followed, now joined by a third officer, a sergeant, who arrived on scene.

As they followed, one of the officers commented that he hoped the couple lived on the ground floor so the steps wouldn’t be part of their transit. Upon hearing this the formerly-supine lady, turned to what happened to be the reporting officer, and said, "What the [guttural slang term for procreative act] you [female dogs]," then taking a swing at the officer.

"I slipped her punch and took her to the ground," the officer reported. The husband, upon witnessing this, grabbed the officer, but the other two officers intervened and dissuaded him from this cause. The reporting officer put the woman in handcuffs, the other two officers reminded the man of the foolhardy nature of mounting an attack on a police officer.

The man apologized for his reaction.

The woman was taken to jail, and jailed, the report concluded.

Loaded up and trucking

The call was hit and run. It was late on a Saturday night, Feb. 25, just three minutes after 11 p.m. and police received a call there had been a hit and run on East Oak Street. The car which had hit was now travelling west and was being followed by the car it had hit. The vehicle which did the hitting, a import SUV, the other a black sports coupe.

As an officer closed on the scene he saw an SUV as described cutting through a restaurant parking lot, a sports coupe following closely, both so as to avoid turning at the nearby intersection. The officer went blue lights and pulled the SUV over after just a short transit up the intersecting road.

The officer stepped up to speak with the SUV driver, the only person in the car. He noted straight away that all-to-infamous "odor of intoxicants" from the SUV’s cabin, further the driver’s bloodshot and watery eyes. He also noted damage to the front of the SUV. She was, he noted, interestingly, speaking too fast for him to notice any slurred speech. She, 21, told the officer she was just coming back from having dropped off a friend and turned over her paperwork.

She got out and walked to the rear of the SUV, losing her balance and walking into the side of the car as she got to its rear. The officer escorted her to the front of the SUV, where they were able to drink in apparently fresh damage, marked by flecks of black paint. The damage, she told the officer, "had been there," per the report. The officer told her he disagreed, listing the reasons why, not the least being a nearby black sports coupe with paint swiped off it. Here he noted further that with the young woman out of the SUV the odor of intoxicants (son of a gun) stayed with her.

She told the officer she had not been drinking, but admitted she had, perhaps, had a drink a few hours earlier. The officer gave over her paperwork to a second officer to call it in, then returned to the woman, asking her to tell him what happened, and to "be honest." At this point she admitted to "might have" hit some cars after dropping a friend off as the cars were stopped in traffic, one of the cars being a black sports coupe. The sports coupe driver told the officer this sounded about right, as he was sitting in traffic when he was hit.

It was, then, time for the field sobriety test. She swayed as her nystagmus was checked, and the walking thing proved to be at best confusing, and at worst unbalanced, balancing no better. She was cuffed and stuffed. As the officer got the woman’s phone, purse and glasses from her car he noted a can of soft drink and liquor near the driver’s station.

The SUV was impounded.

At the station after the usual wait the woman blew a 0.17 BAC. She was jailed, held on $1,200 cash or bond for DWI first and leaving the scene of an accident.