What a guy

It was coming up on 9 p.m. that Sept. 25, a Monday, when police got a call. A SUV was heading down College Avenue and it was moving fast. As the call went on, the SUV turned onto Prince and was still moving fast. Dispatch said it had gotten several calls about it.

An officer turned onto Prince and found the SUV parked by the side of the road. A man was inside, leaning off to one side. As the officer drew closer he detected a smell, and realized the SUV had been driving with its brake on. Closer still and the officer realized the SUV’s engine was running and it was in gear. The parking brake, however (what was left of it) was keeping the truck still. Now at the SUV, he saw its left front rim was split and the tire on that wheel almost flat. A piece of metal hanging from the tire allowed the officer to surmise this was a fairly recent development.

The officer asked the driver what was going on. Nothing, the man replied, he was on his way home to Bigelow and stopped to look for something. Meanwhile he was lost and would the officer mind following him home?

He would not do that, the officer replied. He asked the man if he’d consumed anything and the man, after a pause, admitted to having smoked marijuana. An officer was called to do a field sobriety test.

That second officer was actually the reporting officer, the above being a supplement to his report.

It was tough work. The officer reported that as he interacted with the man, now standing outside the SUV, the man would close his eyes and almost doze off. He would, actually, have fallen asleep but for the officer calling out to wake him.

The man had trouble with the instructions, Nystagmus, the eye-follow-finger thing had the man, first, not following the finger, then when he got that worked out not holding his head still. The walking thing was like that, with the officer having to catch the man before he fell over. The one-leg stand? The man asked why it wasn’t a two-leg stand like it used to be. Throughout this the man was confused and would drift off topic, then almost fall asleep, then stumble, be caught by an officer, rinse, repeat. He tried, at one point, to strike up a conversation with one of the officers about how the officer got into law enforcement, then asked if he could lean on his SUV for the balance test.

So yeah, there in the smell of a cooked parking brake with a tire going flat, having admitted to having smoked marijuana and the occasional bouts of near-slumber, out came the handcuffs and the SUV driver was readied for a trip downtown.

The SUV was searched and the man was shown some what appeared to be marijuana found there. He told the officer it was not even a gram. It was about 3 grams. Then he told the officer he had just "gotten out of court today." The man got emotional, telling the officers the effect of his being taken into custody was going to "kill" his grandmother — using obscene slang as an adjective here.

At the station the bouts of sleepiness continued, now coupled with the emotion of having just been released from court. With some difficulty due to this the consent form was signed and the man given a breath test. He blew a 0.00 BAC.

A drug recognition officer was called in. After some back and forth — coupled with the man’s emotional swings — a blood test was consented. The man was taken to the hospital, blood was drawn, then taken to jail, charged with DUI first and possession of marijuana.

So busted

Police were called to EntertainMART on 64W on Tuesday, Sept. 26, just after 6 p.m. A man was there shoplifting, police were told. They arrived and spoke with the manager. He told them of a customer who had just left, who told him of a man in the back of the store taking things from the shelf and hiding them under his shirt. The man was pointed out to the officer.

The officer walked up to the man, there in the company of an older woman he said was his mother. Someone, the officer told him, said that he was "concealing merchandise." As the officer said this he noticed the man had a bulge in the front of his pants at the waistband. The officer asked if he could search him.

The man paused, then lifted his shirt and pulled out three DVDs from his front waistband. Then he reached behind and pulled a fourth out from the rear. The officer put the man in handcuffs, then walked him and the DVDs to the front of the store, asking the manager for a receipt so he could assign value to the goods in the report.

He searched the man but everything else was the man’s personal property (such as his wallet) which was turned over to his mother. He was taken to jail, and issued a criminal trespass warning for EntertainMART.