A quick quiz about your knowledge of the XFL.

Don't watch the XFL? Don't worry. No one else has apparently watched it enough to determine the correct answers here.

Who is commissioner of the XFL?

A. Hulk Hogan.

B. Dennis Miller.

C. Hannibal Lector.

D. No one will admit to this.

Last week, XFL ratings were higher than the:

A. The Quilting Channel.

B. Pine Street Elementary's public access channel.

C. Fish TV.

D. Sets that were off in California because of a power failure.

An XFL player is named:

A. We Hate Me.

B. They Hate Us.

C. We stink.

D. Who cares?

XFL players are selected from:

A. People sentenced to hard labor by Jessie Ventura.

B. People pardoned by Bill Clinton.

C. Exiled Russian spies.

D. Reject applicants for "Survivor."

NBC likes the XFL because:

A. It makes its Olympic ratings look good.

B. It's good material for Jay Leno.

C. It held its own last week with ABC's documentary on mating patterns of turtles.

D. It keeps Vince McMahon humble.

XFL was the original concept of:

A. Attila The Hun.

B. Al Gore.

C. Bob Knight.

D. Dennis Rodman.

The XFL gets its highest ratings from people who are:

A. In comas.

B. In prison.

C. Inebriated.

D. In need of counseling.

The following drew more viewers than the XFL last week:

A. Previews of the new Britney Spears commercial.

B. People watching Billy Bob Bass novelties perform in department stores.

C. Senate budget hearings.

D. People watching barges go through the locks at Toad Suck Ferry.

Despite ratings, the XFL has lasted longer than:

A. Butterfly ballots in Florida.

B. Historic monuments in Afghanistan.

C. Jerri on Survivor.

D. Free-range armadillos.

Which of the following traditional wrestling gimmicks would help XFL football?

A. A touchdown is nullified if a back or receiver is tossed through a table in the end zone.

B. Chairs and garbage cans lined up every 10 yards along the sideline for defensive backs or receivers to use.

C. Players are given amounts of salt and other powdered substances to throw into opponents' eyes.

D. Cages with barbed wire from 10-yard line on in.