From Conway Police Department reports

A morning constitution

Saturday, early Saturday, real early that Dec. 9 at 49 minutes into the first hour and police got a call. A homeowner reported a man out front of his house "stumbling around and on the side of a vehicle with its hazard lights engaged."

The reporting officer pulled up and, yes, there was a man, not stumbling however, but sitting on the curb next to a Ford Fiesta. He was apparently engaged in changing the car’s right front tire, "but with no success," the report read. A spare tires was leaning against the back fo the car, and the broken piece of wheel rim was near where the man was sitting.

The man had a cuts on the side of his face, apparently fresh as they had been bleeding. They were not bleeding at the time, however, the officer reported, as the blood was frozen to the man’s face. The officer asked the man if he was all right and if he needed an ambulance. "No," was the reply. The officer had the man stand up and stop jacking the car "due to safety concerns."

They spoke and the man’s speech was "slurred." Further the officer noted (and I mean really, try not to act surprised) the "odor of intoxicants" upon his breath.

The officer asked the man: Had he been drinking? He had been at Bear’s Den Pizza, the man said, where "he and a friend were drinking alcohol." (Safe to assume this is report-speak, as nobody actually talks like this.) He’d had, he told the officer "a couple of beers."

The officer’s question then: How did the car hit the curb? He didn’t hit a curb, the man said, and he wasn’t driving. Then the man tried to retract the Bear’s Den admission, repeatedly.

Throughout the man’s speech was in the slur-mode, and he was unsteady on his feet. He didn’t know how his face got injured, he told the officer. He was okay, he didn’t need help, and he just wanted to change his tire and get on, he said.

The officer explained that, in measure of the situation at hand, the man was being arrested for public intoxication. This upset the man, who charged the officer with violating his "constitute rights," he was quoted as saying.

As the man was being loaded up for the drive downtown, he told the officer he had been beat up by Bears Den security. The officer asked the man if he wanted his cell phone to come with him, and the man didn’t answer, instead returning to the topic of his "constitute rights" being violated.

And his handcuffs were too tight. The officer checked, able to slide a finger between cuff and wrist. They were fine.

At the jail the man announced that he, after all, did need medical attention. He was taken to the hospital, where, in the waiting room, he cursed, repeatedly and loudly, about the unfairness he felt was befalling him. He then shouted that the police had beaten him up. By the time the man was in a room a paramedic had to ask the man to stop shouting, as it was upsetting a nearby family, including small children, dealing with their own issues. The man wouldn’t let pictures be taken of his injuries.

Disorderly conduct was added to the public intoxication charge.

He was discharged, loaded up, again complaining about handcuff tension (checked, they were fine). At jail he refused to sign his citation.

The report concluded with the man, 23, complaining the handcuffs had injured his wrists.