By Alex Kienlen

Log Cabin Correspondent

from Conway Police
Department reports:

Yeah, no

Police were called to a mobile home community Monday, Sept. 19, at slightly after 4 a.m. A man there was drunk and, the responding officer was told by dispatch, trying to get in his car and drive away.

The officer arrived at the park and found, as described a man now standing next to presumably his car. The officer got out and spoke to the man, who, it was reported, was using the car as a walking stick, had bloodshot watery eyes and slurred speech. (Interestingly, no “odor of intoxicants” was reported.) The man had apparently been ill, and was standing in a puddle of his own making.

The officer asked the man where he lived and the man gave him an address. The officer asked the man where he was, and the man gave the same address. It was not the address where he was.

Out came the handcuffs and the man was thus stuffed. His car, due to it being parked in a roadway, was impounded. When the officer searched it, as is the routine in such matters, he found a half-full (or half-empty, depending on one’s outlook) can of beer in the console, an empty beer can in the passenger seat, where, also, a full beer can was residing.

The man was taken to jail. He had no ID with him, the report concluded.

The noise

It was 6:30 Monday morning, Sept. 19, when police were called to a local road. A man there appeared to be having some issues with passing cars as he walked down the road, the report stated. He was in the middle of the road and was almost hit by a car as he was waving his arms at traffic, the report stated.

The officer arrived and quickly found the man, who walked up to the officer’s car as soon as the officer arrived. As he walked over, the officer reported, the man continued to wave his hands and shout in a high-pitched voice, all while “acting very childlike,” per the report. The man asked the officer if he had any alcohol, or if he had a lighter. He did not, the officer replied, then asked the man why he needed those things. The man said he was walking around trying to find a light for his cigar.

The officer asked the man if he’d been walking in the middle of the road. He had, the man replied. The vehicles in the road were people, the man told the officer and the headlights looked like eyes on a person, per the report. The officer asked the man if he had any mental illness. The man said he was schizophrenic but had not been taking his required medications.

“I placed (the man) under arrest for his own safety,” the officer’s report continued. He was jailed, and held for review by mental health professionals.

And ate all the
bologna

A woman called police Monday, Sept. 19, about a man who had been staying with her.

The man had stolen about 45 pain pills from her, she told the officer. He also stole her food stamp card and driver’s license, she said. Then, on Sept. 6, he put her and himself on her ex-husband’s car insurance in order to get insurance for his own car. She had called the insurance to get that corrected, but not before her ex called her, upset, she told the officer.