From Conway Police Department reports

Number 9

It was Sunday, it was just barely Sunday, actually, its ninth minute that Dec. 17, when police were called about property damage at a Marble Drive home. The reporting officer arrived and there, yes, was damaged property. A pickup truck was off the road on the side of a hill, having come to rest on its side.

Inside the truck was its apparent one-time driver. He was not - as one could imagine of a pickup truck on its side in the ninth minute of Sunday morning - in the best of shape, although uninjured. The report described him as uninjured, adding that he was covered in dirt and evidence he had become ill. He was unable to make his way out of the truck cab. The officer called for Fire & Rescue to help the man get out of the cab.

While waiting he spoke with the one-time driver, 29, and quickly realized the man was drunk, very drunk (“heavily intoxicated,” in report-speak). The man’s speech was slurred, his clothes unkempt (although one should note here the man just rode an upended pickup to a stop) and he kept falling asleep while speaking with the officer. Most telling of all was, dear reader, the man's’ scent, an olfactory presence upon those early morning minutes, there, in a pickup truck, on its side, unable to make his way out, unable to form words, trouble staying awake, covered in foul and dirt, was “the odor of intoxicants coming from the vehicle.”

Fire and rescue arrived and, in short order, the man was out of the cab. He had trouble standing up, leave alone walking. The reporting officer consulted with his Sergeant and the decision was made to arrest the man for public intoxication.

A tow truck was called for the pickup, the Sergeant standing by with it, and the officer took the man to jail. On the way to jail the man repeated to the officer, several times, that he was very drunk and just wanted to sleep. Throughout the man “reeked of intoxicants,” the officer reported.

At the jail he was searched and a small bag of a green leafy substance, very likely not oregano, was found in the man’s pocket. This was confiscated to be destroyed. The one-time driver was told he would not be charged for the likely-not oregano.

He was left with jail staff.

Socrates of the highway

An officer had stopped for gas. It was Monday morning early, 1:15 a.m. Dec. 18, and he was doing the gasoline-in-the-tank thing at the Roadrunner on Skyline. Then the routine was broken.

As the officer watched a man ran from the east corner of the store toward a man who was parked on the west side of the store, just as the second man began walking toward the store’s front door. The officer thought at first this may have been some sort of greeting ritual between friends, but it quickly became apparent that it was not, that they did not know each other, as the second man, the man from the west side, began to get angry. The officer checked with the clerk who didn’t know what the situation was either.

He then spoke with the first man, the running man, to ask him what was going on. The man replied “It’s all good, everybody gets horny once in awhile.”

(Times like this, I have to stop typing for a moment and just pause. You stop to get gas, it’s a little after 1 a.m. Running around. “Everybody gets horny once in awhile.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If I was a cop I’d slap people, a lot.)

The officer asked the man why he ran toward the second man’s car. “He got out of the car like a dumbass, so I’m going to treat him like a dumbass” was the reply. The officer called for additional officers to join him at the station, things being as they were.

The decision was made, as other officers arrived that the man was a arrest candidate, being a threat to public safety as he was. As one of the officers searched the man he gave several statements, such as “Everybody wants to be somebody, but not themselves” and “I am not fit for this world.”

And with that, the man was arrested, taken to jail for disorderly conduct.

(The concept of “Anomie” [ANN-oh-me] was first labeled in 1893, as French sociologist Emile Durkheim used it to label a state where expectations of behavior are vague and unclear, reflecting a society which has broken down, with people not having a clear understanding how they should interact.)