You might need to be part insomniac and part Indiana Jones to find his show, but disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker of PTL Club infamy is back on the air.

Bakker, who went in the can in 1989 for defrauding his electronic flock, was once known as the Johnny Carson of Christian TV for his sunny personality and catchphrase, “God loves you! He really, really does.”

At his zenith, he was a charismatic superstar, owning and operating PTL stations around the world, including here in Canton. My grandparents enjoyed him so much, we once made a stop at Heritage USA, PTL’s Disney-esque complex in South Carolina.

But prison must do something to a man. Fast forward and Bakker now inhabits a faith fueled by paranoia and a right-wing ideology that would make Sean Hannity sleep with a night light.

Bakker’s airtime these days is spent down the rabbit hole, making pronouncements about the world’s end, fueling the Christian-as-victim pathology and hawking some deeply weird merchandise, from buckets of “Apocalypse” vittles to prophecy books; the kind of stuff Christian author Jamie Buckingham used to call “Jesus Junk.”

But Weeble-wobble Jesus jumped from Jim Bakker’s dashboard a long time ago.

David, Cyrus and Donald

Bakker made his comeback during the Obama administration. Like some evangelicals, Obama’s “otherness” and liberalism gave Bakker fodder for labeling the 44th president as the anti-Christ.

But not even Satan would be caught wearing mom jeans and a Chicago White Sox jacket, let alone a tan suit.

Almost to a person, Bakker’s guests are a motley parade of pastors, biblical scholars and authors, all convinced that President Donald Trump is America’s last chance for a refill, and that people who criticize 45 are asking for a divine knuckle sandwich with a side of lightning bolt.

Biblical besties such as the Revs. Paula White and Robert Henderson go on Bakker’s show to whitewash Trump’s lies, mistakes and misdeeds, likening him to the flawed-but-devout David, and King Cyrus of Persia, a pagan who ended the Israelites’ exile by defeating the Babylonians in the sixth century B.C.E.

It’s proof, they argue, that God can and will use anyone he so chooses.

(Anyone except, apparently, back-talking women and Democrats.)

John Fea, author of the Trump biography “Believe Me,” told ChurchLeaders.com “It’s the theopolitical version of money laundering, taking Scripture to ...clean [up] your candidate.”

Currently, Bakker and the Rev. Lance Wallnau are hawking a $45 gold-plated coin bearing the likenesses of Trump and Cyrus. It’s being touted as a “point of contact” you can use to pray for the president’s re-election in 2020. A 13-piece set is just $450.

Don’t blame Trump

Trump can’t be blamed for this hustle. The industry of “God-told-me-to-tell-you-to-send-money” hucksterism is as American as the seventh-inning stretch.

For the kind of folks who watch Bakker’s show, $45 is a lot of “seed money,” as it’s known in the biz.

The price, as you may have surmised, matches the presidential succession and just happens to coincide with Isaiah 45, which contains the prophecy about the Israelites’ return to Jerusalem.

Wallnau says God told him Trump would win to serve as a “wrecking ball” against political correctness.

Why does God never seem to instruct anyone to become a wrecking ball against child hunger, injustice and political corruption?

Though most of the American faithful wouldn’t know King Cyrus from Billy Ray Cyrus, other groups have caught on, with at least one selling silver Trump-Cyrus coins to raise money to build a third temple on Jerusalem’s Temple Mount.

I’m only annoyed because I didn’t think of it first.

-- Reach Charita at 330-580-8313 or charita.goshay@cantonrep.com. On Twitter: @cgoshayREP